


I Hope I Cut Myself Shaving Tomorrow, I Hope it Bleeds All Day Long

by meowryo05



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Character Death, Child Neglect, Hurt No Comfort, Oops, Sad and Angry TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Harm, Suicide, i hate the ao3 tagging system so very much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 19:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30144792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowryo05/pseuds/meowryo05
Summary: More often than not Tommy's was silent. No notifications, no messages. The only times his phone screen lit up was when his best friend Tubbo would text him.But Tubbo didn't talk to him much anymore. He talked to his stupid ass new friend or his ‘platonic husband’ as he calls himself.It was annoying and he fucking hated him.read notes for better warnings
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 164





	I Hope I Cut Myself Shaving Tomorrow, I Hope it Bleeds All Day Long

**Author's Note:**

> i feel awful so what’s better than projecting you problems onto someone around you age! 
> 
> anyways
> 
> TW!! there’s a lot of descriptions abt self harming n blood. also tommy dies so it gets a bit worse.

______

________

More often than not Tommy's was silent. No notifications, no messages. The only times his phone screen lit up was when his best friend Tubbo would text him.

  
  


But Tubbo didn't talk to him much anymore. He talked to his stupid ass new friend or his ‘platonic husband’ as he calls himself. 

  
  


It was annoying and he fucking hated him.

  
  


Ranboo was everything Tommy wasn't. He was kind, never cussed. ~~He didn't fucking hurt himself over the smallest inconvenience.~~ He got work done, he made the people around him happy. He made people proud. Hell, Techni hangs around him more than Tommy. _His own fucking brother-_

  
  


It somehow made his cutting addiction worse. The guilt of not being there for his friend? Mayhaps the pain of watching someone you've known for years move on without you? He's not sure.

  
  


At some point, he thinks he stopped cutting for relief and started cutting more for the blood. Something in his mind started seeing his blood as beautiful. 

  
  


He started liking the way the blood would drip down his thigh. The way that the scars that littered his skin made him feel good, hell even pretty.

  
  


Sometimes he would collect the blood in little bottles. He displayed them on his dresser and when asked by Tubbo and Ranboo, he'd made the excuse that he bought them for decoration. They foolishly took that as the truth and continued with their homework.

  
  


He could never really go deep. He hated it.

  
  


All he had to cut were some scissors and dull box cutters. He always preferred the scissors.

  
  


The scissors were strangely less painful than the box cutter. 

  
  


Maybe it's because he's used to it.

  
  


Unfortunately, he had never learned how to properly take care of his cuts without having to walk into the hallway to enter the shared bathroom with blood flowing down his legs and arm. So, he used water and napkins.

  
  


Yep. Water and napkins.

  
  


He isn't sure how he hasn't gotten caught yet. He walks around the house waving his bare arm that is littered with cuts, old and new. Yet, no one has noticed. 

  
  


Maybe they stopped caring. After Wilbur had almost crashed after drinking too much, Phil had been paying more attention to him. That was fair though, Wil could have died.

  
  


On the other hand, Tommy was barely given any attention even before. Phil almost always focused on Techno, even when they were young.

  
  


And at one point, Tommy got quieter. He stopped making offhand comments that were accompanied by a whole but of cuss words. Now he was quiet, reserved. He stopped joking with Tubbo a while ago, Tubbo didn't care.

  
  


Tubbo had stupid ass Ranboo now.

  
  


He hates him even more.

  
  


Stupid tall ass sunglasses-wearing dickhead.

  
  


Maybe it was for the best, Tommy was a shit friend and an even worse brother. 

  
  


Yuck

  
  


He hates that word

  
  


_ Brothers _

  
  


~~ What he Wil and Techno used to be- ~~

  
  


No. They never were brothers. Tommy knew that.

______

________

His grades have started slipping and everything just got worse. 

  
  


Wilbur and Phil have started arguing a lot. Techno defends Phil most of the time.

  
  


Of course he does.

  
  


Tommy is forced to lock himself in his room and wait for it to stop. He doesn't eat on those days.

  
  


Tubbo stopped talking to him. It hurts. He hates feeling like this. It feels as though he lost everything that mattered to him. And it was his Ranboo’s fucking fault.

  
  


He misses his friend, his best friend. 

  
  


Phil liked Ranboo. He was more upset that Ranboo couldn't come over anymore when Tommy had told him that Tubbo wanted to stop hanging around him.

  
  


Ouch, thanks ~~dad~~ Phil.

Things were more stressful. It made him what to vomit. 

  
  


He wanted to cry, Techno started yelling at him since Wilbur moved out. He wished that Wilbur took him with him. Wil had offered to sneak Tommy out but Tommy was too attached to this area, to Tubbo. 

  
  


Then Tubbo started ignoring him, then he wished he had gone with Wilbur.

  
  


Even worse, Ranboo started coming over again. Apparently he was Techno’s apprentice or some shit. Phil was happy he was back, Tommy hated going downstairs to grab a drink 

just to see his stupid fucking face smile at him.

  
  


It reminded him of Tubbo.

  
  


Dickhead.

  
  


He stopped leaving his room, Phil was always mad at him for his shit grades but he could honestly care less. 

  
  


He was tired.

______

________

After a while of convincing himself, he made a plan.

  
  


He would kill himself! Finally get that shit over with. It's not it’d be something major, he barely talked to anyone.

  
  


But, in Tommyinnit fashion, he wanted to go out leaving short, spiteful notes. Not long detailed notes addressed to his family. He wanted them to feel bad.

  
  


It would happen in a week, the 20th of October, a nice Saturday.

  
  


It also happened to be Ranboo’s birthday.

  
  


Not planned at all.

  
  


Tommy stopped hiding the napkins and his dirty scissors, it's not like anyone went in his room.

  
  


He started planning when he should even start. Would Phil and Techno leave to attend some bullshit party or would they invite Ranboo to have it at their house?

  
  


Ether way, he had to do it that day. Just so he could make them miserable. It would be fun.

  
  


On the 17th, Tommy started talking to Phil and Techno more during dinner as a way to get answers. They always thought he wasn't interested so they didn't bother.

  
  


Tommy pushed around the vegetables on his plant. “Hey Phil.” Tommy starts, gazing at Phil. He stares at Tommy, surprised he even talked.

  
  


“Yes Tommy? What do you need?” he replies shifting in his chair to get closer to Tommy.

  
  


“Well, I was curious about what you'd be doing ok Ranboo’s birthday since, y’know, you guys are all close n’ shit.” he stands up to put his plate in the sink, “I guess I just want to know where he would hold his birthday party.” Tommy finishes.

  
  


“Well, we offered to hold it here since his family is leaving for a bit, and he said he'd think it would be better to hold it here since your house is bigger.” Phil rubs the back of his neck.

  
  


Perfect answer.

  
  


“Oh, awesome! Let me know if you need help setting up, though I'll be in my room when it starts if you wouldn't mind.” of course he wouldn't, it's all Tommy does now.

  
  


“Ah no it's fine Tommy, you don't have to help. And you can stay in your room.” Phil replies, starting to wash the dishes.

  
  


Tommy nods and runs back to his room. This was too perfect. _Way_ too perfect. He can't complain about much though, it helps his plan.

______

________

The day before _the day_ Tommy had decided to go to school for once. Tubbo tried to talk to him but he quickly walked by to get his locker. He grabbed the notes he'd prepared and stuffed them into his bag, running to the exit and down the sidewalk outside of the building.

  
  


Tommy was fucking ecstatic. He was strangely happy to remember that soon he’ll be free from this shithole. 

  
  


When he got home that all melted away when he opened the door and saw _Wilbur_ sitting on their fucking couch. 

  
  


Shit.

  
  


Wilbur looks up and smiles at Tommy. He opens his mouth to talk to Tommy but before he gets a word out, Tommy quickly waves and runs upstairs.

  
  


Of course Wilbur would visit now of all times. Perfect fucking timing.

  
  


Sadly after a long think, the idea of his brother crying over his dead bleeding body didn't bother him much. If it's true that Wilbur used to feel the same way he does now, maybe he'd find the blood pretty.

  
  


Tommy didn't eat dinner that night, he'd fallen asleep a while after he got home.

  
  


Tomorrow was the big day.

  
  


______

________

Tommy woke up at around 3 pm. How? He's not sure. Though he was sure that today would be a fucking great day. 

He’d gone downstairs to see home much was done and to ask Phil when the party would start. Unfortunately, he was met with the one person he didn't want to see.

  
  


Tubbo.

  
  


Fuck

  
  


They stared at each other for a while before Tubbo tries to reach to grab Tommy's arm, causing him to flinch and start walking back upstairs.

  
  


Fucks sake this was already difficult.

  
  


He hears Tubbo call out to him, he starts running to his room.

  
  


When in his room, he starts setting up. It didn't necessarily matter that it was so early, he had to distract himself somehow.

  
  


After putting everything in place he pulls out his phone and messages Phil.

  
  


Tommy innit: hey what time does the party officially start? i would ask you in person but _someone_ is down there atm and i don’t feel like talkin’ with em’

Philza: it starts at 6

sorry i didn’t tell you when it started yesterday.

Tommy Innit: it’s fine big man, i’ll be in my room.

thanks for lmk

Philza: it’s no problem m8 :)

  
  


Tommy sighs and puts his phone down.

  
  


6 pm is when it starts. Enough time to see if he changed his mind.

______

________

  
  


He did not change his mind at all. 

  
  


It was now 8 pm. multiple people have knocked on his door asking him to go downstairs. He pretended to be sleeping so they'd stop bothering him. It worked.

  
  


It was loud and it hurt his ears.

  
  


Thank God he wouldn't hear it soon.

  
  


He pulled out the notes from his bag and grabs the blade he snagged from Wilbur's old room. He didn't bother cleaning it, it didn't matter if he did or not.

  
  


Laying the notes next to his legs, he pulls down his sleeves and gets ready. He quietly says his final goodbyes to those that he wouldn't address in his notes. He also said by to his stuffed cow Henry. He was a gift from Tubbo. 

  
  


Tubbo.....

  
  


He purs the blade against his skin and quickly swipes it across his arm, it starts burning the moment he pulls away. He continues to do this till there blood _everywhere_. On his pants, his arms, and floor. A few drops got onto the notes. Oops

  
  


After a few moments, his head starts to feel fuzzy. It was finally happening. He starts smiling. He watched his blood flow out of his arms the best he can. It's pretty. 

  
  


His vision starts to blur, he laughs. He laughs louder and louder until it hurts.

  
  


It burns.

  
  


Help-

  
  


No. This is exactly what he ~~deserved~~ wanted. 

  
  


No one suspects a thing. He'll be dead by the time they find him.

  
  


His vision goes dark.

______

________

He was devastated when he found Tommy dead in his blood. It hurt seeing his little brother in so much pain. He didn't help him enough.

  
  


The notes Tommy has left behind didn't help much either. Wilbur hadn't opened his yet, nor had anyone else. They were too scared to see the words he left behind.

  
  


Phil had forced those who had a note addressed to them to sit in the living room and read them out. 

  
  


Wilbur, Techno, Phil, Tubbo, and Ranboo sat around the small coffee table eyeing the small pile of notes. 

  
  


They were passed around and opened. Wilbur was forced to read his out first.

  
  


_ Hello big man, it's me, Tommy Innt. _

_ By the time you're reading this I am most likely dead. Thank fuck its over.  _

_ I want to keep this short and simple. I had planned this entire thing. I'm sorry I left you. _

_ It never felt right without you here and I just couldn't do it for much longer.  _

_ I'd rather not be sappy but i’ll really miss you. You were more than a father figure to me than Phil. You'd make a great dad in the future, Wil.  _

_ Name one of your kids after me yeah? And you can have Henry so you orca won't be lonely. _

_ -Big T _

_ P.S you can find more letters addressed to you under my bed in a yellow box. _

  
  


Wilbur crumples, he can't imagine what Tommy was thinking. He hates that the note is so short. He wished he could be helped Tommy more. It didn't matter, Tommy died months ago.

  
  


Next was Phil and Techno’s note, he couldn't have been arsed to make them separate letters apparently.

_ Hey techno, Phil. Hope you're reading this. _

_ To be honest I have no clue what I should write here. Maybe how much I resent both of you? How much I hate that mr good man philza picked a favorite and ultimately stuck with him? I hope this letter is short than Wils, I'm not counting the fuckin words. _

_ I can't believe you never saw my damn arms. You took me to school every day, say next to me every day yet you STILL didn't notice. That's a bit pathetic if you ask me. _

_ Shit got bad and you never listened. Hell, Techno turned me into his personal emotional lunching bag n you didn't give a shit. Fucjed up man. _

_ Anyways, I hope this letter finds you in shit health and I hope you know that ~~i’ll really fucking miss you n I love you a lot~~ I fucking hate the both of you. _

_ -Tommy _

  
  


Phil drops the letter from his shaky hands and Wilbur glares at both him and Techno. Disgust is apparent on his face. Phil looks sad and Techno surprisingly looks disappointed in himself. Huh, he does have emotions.

  
  


Tubbo picks up his and Ranboo’s letter. He doesn't want to know what it says inside.

  
  


Ranboo opens the note and starts reading.

_ To tubzo n Ranbitch, _

_ I don't have much to say it either of you. _

_ Actually, I do. Just too tired to say jack shit. _

_ All I'll say is fuck you tubbo. You could have at least verbally expressed that you didn't fucking like me anymore, it would have hurt less than watching you replace me with someone better.  _

_ And ranboo, you're a fucking prick. _

_ Did you know that Phil cared more that you would be able to come over since tubbo stopped talking to me than me losing so much with tubbo? It's shit to think about. _

_ I can't think right now. I'm writing this don't in class and the teacher is being ng a bitch. _

_ If you want to know just how much I fucjubg hate you ranboo, refer to the black box of notes under my bed.  _

_ -big man tommy _

  
  


Ranboo is silent. He feels guilty. Tubbo stands, I wonder where he's going. The room is filled with uncomfortable energy. It feels awful. 

  
  


They hate it.

  
  


This must be how Tommy felt.

  
  


Tommy...

  
  


How did they fuck up so bad? 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if the end seems rushed, i finished writing this at around 4am so lmk if the pacing feels a bit off


End file.
